Wordless.

I was never good at expressing how I felt through normal conversation,
No, I was never good at making relationships work without some, hesitation. It's been all or nothing for me, and with you it's something in the middle, something in-between.

I've got a broken soul in my chest sprinkled with what's left of what you could call a heart. You're not very smart, getting involved with a girl like me, someone who you seem to find beauty in the smallest things.

You've got to understand that my thoughts are scattered, my lungs are battered from the smoke that I inhale every night to try and, understand if what we have is right. It's not doubt, no, let me explain, let me explain before you get the idea that this poem is about disdain. This is me simply giving you myself in the best way I can, giving you the side that should terrify any man.

I am a mixture of cyanide and glycoside in my own eyes, the sweetest intentions with the deadliest reactions. I put on a front of being a great personality with a bold individuality but I am far from great, I am far from divine, I hide in the darkest places in my mind that I don't want you to see for the fear that in the end you won't be able to handle me. What I need is the security that you won't leave when the high tide gets a little rough, what I need is not compliments but a hand to hold when the nights are cold and I just can't, seem to find my way.

I apologize for the idea that the poem would be all smiles and something to make your heart skip a beat, but I am far from a romantic, far from someone who could be seen as aesthetic. I am a broken individual with the visual that you're just what I need and in a way that scares me. The words you say, are almost too perfect just because it gives the impression that you'll stay, and in a way, I keep myself from getting too deep because I've gone there before and I couldn't find my footing, no, couldn't find an anchor or couldn't see a distant shore, to go back to.

I spend my nights, after you fall asleep, thinking about the risks that lay before me. I think about how I could let myself back into something that's made me broken before, I think about how at any moment I could see you walk out the front door with your back facing towards me and all I can see is what I laid out before you that your eyes couldn't quite see. I think about the patience that you'll need, I think about how it'll just take time for me to adjust that it's you and me and not what I originally believed of being a part of some, distant reality. I think about how you know the distance that I hold when it comes to emotions and what needs to be said and what I need to be told. And in the end it comes down to the fact that what I see in the mirror is a reputation that I don't want to uphold, the reputation that I become vulnerable and you reject myself as a whole.

So please understand, that I need some time, to adjust to the idea that you are who you say you are and not some, scheme to raise your self-esteem. Please understand, that there's more to me than just beauty and a unique personality and I need you see that, I need you embrace the self-destructive part of me. I need to heal, I need to remember what it was like, to feel the beauty of trust and unconditional love, to realize that there are things I need to let go of, and as I re-build what's in my chest, a broken soul,

Remind me that two broken people can be a whole.